I should start by saying that I should be banished from blogging this late at night becasue that is when my frustration comes out, but can't control my self and need to do some mental releases here. I could do it in a journal but then no one could give me feed back.
I am really struggling with our ward up here. I haven't really fit in from day one but today I hit the dropping point. Over this last weekend I was in the hospital. I had gotten the flu and it attack my digestive system in stead of my respiratory system. It shut every thing down so nothing was working the way it should have. The doctors called it a anomaly. Well I was there for 2 days and my parents had the kids. And this is while my mom is trying to get her comps done for her PHD. Not cool right. Well Sunday comes, I am still in the Hospital and the relief society has been told what is going on and this was her reply in announcing to the ward ladies. " O by the way Sister Haley is having bad cramps and is in the hospital." Nothing more like lets pray for her nope nothing. Mom wasn't happy. So after church the compassionate service lady comes up and asks when I will be home mom tells her I m already on my way home. The lady then says so she is better and doesn't need help. She then walks away. Can I tell you not feeling in caring going on. I have family who I see maybe one or twice a year who asked if they could help.
So tonight I went to enrichment and we were talking about coupons and stuff. As most of you know I am not perfect in this area but I do know quit a bit. I gave my input put, but every time I did, their was no response or their was some s naughty come back.
I am telling you their is some thing about me that this ward just doesn't like, and it is making me dislike church right now. I know that it shouldn't have an impact on what I believe but when you don't feel wanted some place it makes doing the right thing very hard.
So I need advise and encouragement, because I need help getting through this before I mentally freak out. It seems that since we moved nothing has gone right. Adam I both feel it was still the right thing to do, why we don't know yet, but it we still feel that way. But I have struggled a lot since moving and often want to cry because I miss the people down their and hate the life up here. Ya strong words for me. And crying is definitely not me so right their should tell you how I am not doing.
Sorry I feel like that is all I have been doing latley is complain, for that I am sorry.
How about this give me some scripture that has help you at a time that you have struggled.
Thanks for your understanding if you made it through this post.
Wow Jen, I don't know what to say...I know it is important to feel wanted and cared for. I'm surprised at the response you have been given, but here I sit in the best ward I have ever been in....and I have been in it for a long time...and it wasn't the best. When Dave and I first moved to the ward it was with my Parents still. I moved in just a month from giving birth to my 1st. No offers in helping move in, no welcome to ward, nothing. I then have Jayson...and the only meals brought in were from my mom. We talked about it some and decided that perhaps the RS felt that as long as there was family there to help, they needed do nothing.
ReplyDeleteSo now go ahead another year and half and we move into the home we are currently in. Again I move just a month before given birth to my next child. And we didn't switch wards. and NO one from the ward helped us move, even though the family who moved out had help.
After our 2nd was born one lady brought us some soup...which Dave still thinks was the best ever! and it was for a "Welcome to the neighborhood" not for congrats on the baby. Again, no one brought us anything for meals or such for the baby, just my parents.
It hasn't been until the ward was split and the service mentality changed. Who knows what happened, but we felt the change and we felt we wanted to help as well, where before we didn't want to because no one else helped us. kinda a poor attitude, but I think that is part of the problem, thinking why help if we aren't helped in return. So here is my advise, you asked for it. :) Lose yourself in service to your ward. Even though you are not feeling loved, love those around you. Here is a quote from my nephew, "When I serve my neighbor, I serve God." (it was from his sacrament program) :) And know that you can always vent on here, that is what blogs can be for. We will always love you and your family here and you are always welcome to come home. :) miss ya and we love you.
Thanks Jenny.
ReplyDeleteWow! I feel for you having been there myself, I would agree with your friend Jenny, maybe they feel you don't the help since you have family? but the best thing to do is make sure that you help so no one else feel the way you have felt!!
ReplyDeleteWhen we lived in Midvale we felt the same. The problem wasn't that they weren't helping people, it was that it was such a needy ward that the few active people couldn't do everything. There were so many people who could barely make ends meet that they were constantly taking meals to people who couldn't afford food. We were not on the priority list. This may or may not be the problem with your ward, but either way the church is still true and maybe they need you to help make a difference!
ReplyDeleteOh Jen, I am so sorry. I know that it is hard to go to church when you do not feel welcome. I wish I had great advice to give. All I can say is remember that you go to church for the Lord, not for the ward. And like the others said service. I felt like I did not fit in in this ward, but when I became humanitarian coordinator it gave me opportunities to serve. A lot of the problem for me was that this is a very settled ward. Almost every one has lived her for many years, they have grown up together, they all have their groups. I'm shy like you and it was hard to just insert myself into a group. But when I started to serve those around me I made friends even when I wasn't included in a group. I would see a need and instead of waiting for a sign up sheet I would just do something. Then eventually others started filling my needs without waiting for the sign up sheet. I think to many women in RS wait for the sign up sheet to do something and so I bet a lot of them didn't even know what was going on. I hope it gets better for you. If you need anything let me know, we are so there.
ReplyDeleteI still owe you dinner anyway. :)
Tanks every one.
ReplyDelete